he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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