if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
