I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
