I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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