THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
