woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
