Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
