were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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