i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize