getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
