then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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