Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
