Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
