Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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