Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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