do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
