I'm drive I can fine osifer
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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