And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
