Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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