Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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