she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Even my vagina gasped.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
