just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
