He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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