CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
