Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
