it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
