i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
