yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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