Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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