last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
