Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
