whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
