I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry about my life...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
