she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
