I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
