I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
