I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
