Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
