used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You are a genius and a whore.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize