Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
