I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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