I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
