I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
