I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize