I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
