fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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