Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize