please come you make the beer taste better
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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