I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
