I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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