He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
