I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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