Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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