I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
