I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
