I wish I could teleport
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
