I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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