With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
