the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
