Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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