He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
