I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
