Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
