Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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