he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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