Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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