He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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