Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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