I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
