Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
