brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
